WINTERTIME BLUES.

I feel like it’s been so long since I’ve actually opened my laptop typed my blog’s name and decided to hit “New post”.. I could sit and tell you guys everything is wonderful over here and that I haven’t been writing for a lot of bullshit reasons, but that’s not who I am. I’m me, I’m a real transparent person that doesn’t know how to keep my feelings to myself even if my life depended on it.

I haven’t been writing because I just feel so bleh - yeah I know a great adjective to describe my feelings as of lately. But I don’t even know where to begin.. I hate this time of the year. When it’s dark 2 hours before I even leave work, where all of my favorite places get gated up until next year, where the depression comes knocking back on my door and invites themself in. I just sort of lose all motivation, real passion or desire to do anything. My schedule just consists of work and daydreaming of other days on the road. I guess I only have myself to blame for that though. I know that there’s not much of anything else to do in winter because I'm not that keen on snow shoeing or snowboarding and skiing.. I just sort of go into hibernation mode and exchange the hiking boots for hours at work. I use it as a time to save up money for future travels again in the spring and summer. It’s life.. real life. The balance of working hard and playing even harder. Sometimes I don’t feel I can ever find it though, well enough to keep me truly content when it’s this time of the year.

I just feel stuck in life lately, you know? The days are so much shorter and adventure is harder to find. I’m someone that is constantly dreaming, planning, wishing. For adventure. And right now feels like that weird stepping stone of waiting until the next move.. Stuck in the wintertime blues.

I feel like a stranger in my own head.. I’ve gotten consumed by thoughts that aren’t really mine and by feelings that I thought I forgot about. How naive to think depression would just leave. It would one day just vanish.

Some days are better than others.. I’m sure if you suffer with depression or anxiety like I do, you know that sometimes you’re on top of the world and it feels like you could scream to it just how happy you are and how great life is.. Sometimes the world feels like it’s crushing down on you instead. To a point you just want it to suffocate you, to take away the uninvited thoughts and feelings. Right now it feels a lot like being suffocated.

I’ve let thoughts stay for a bit too long of a time. I’ve let them start to get comfortable and let them take their shoes off in the place I call home, which is my mind.. I should have been able to open the door and let them out after recognizing they were sitting too long. I’ve been letting myself feel the same things more than twice when it should be let go after I’ve acknowledged and accepted it.

I’ve let the darkness of winter make it’s way into my own little world. I just haven’t felt motivated lately. It’s easier to sit and sulk in it all at times.. It takes courage to stand up to all these things that have consumed you - knowing you’re better than that. So today I’m choosing to let all of this go. The unwanted, lingering presence of depression.

I’ve spent the past couple days allowing myself this.

More of putting myself first - Things as simple as just asking myself how I’m doing and answering it outloud or on a piece of paper.. I bought a journal specifically for this and also my gratitudes - I usually will do 3 in the morning so I can start my day off right. And then usually will do 3 more at nighttime after I’ve experienced my day, I’ll go back through to write down things that brought me a small joy. It’s made it easier to go back and look at all those little things that make me happy when I’ve somehow forgotten.

I’ve indulged in a lot of self care - Such as taking a nice bath with candles, Epsom salts and essential oils with a face mask on. Taking more walks by myself to clear my mind and focusing on everything happening around me in the moment. Just finding a time to spend with me and myself.

I’ve started to not carry the weight of other peoples problems right now. Just because it’s gotten too heavy of a load to hold while dealing with my own feelings as well. And I’ve learned this is okay! It’s okay to say no to people. Self care isn’t always bubble baths, walks by yourself, splurging on a shopping trip and so on.. Sometimes it’s as simple as saying no to people because you need to put yourself first and focus on your own energy and mind.. It’s okay!

I’ve already started to write out my new goals for 2020 to get me excited for what awaits. Knowing there’s light at the end of this dark tunnel it feels that I’m crawling through.

I just think it’s really important this time of the year to sit down with yourself and ask yourself how you’re doing. Don’t forget about yourself this time of the season as I know it’s really hard to.. Don’t get stuck in the wintertime blues.

Thank you for being Lost in a Dream with me

With lots of love,

Niki

Let’s talk below about how life has been! Do you suffer with depression year round and it gets worst during the season? Do you only have seasonal depression? Or you have no clue what I’m even talking about here

Either way - I’d love to hear some of your thoughts and how YOU are! If you don’t feel brave enough to share below, shoot me an email and I’d love to talk with you more.

Thank you again for letting me always be real with you guys here. I love you

LifeNiki HerringDecember 19, 20191 Comment

Life

LIKE WE WERE YOUNG AGAIN.

I’ve felt like more childlike wonder these past 2 months than I did all of my last year total. You see, I always have a young spirit and I love spontaneity, adventure, always being on the go, you name it. But with that, also comes an old soul in me; the worrying and figuring out of the future. I sometimes forget the slow down period. The period of looking around and taking in everything that this moment offers. I forget to scream to the world just how happy I am when I feel like it, to laugh out loud to the point someone could mistake it for a dying seal, to cry when I feel something. Sometimes I just forget to really live. Like how we did when we were young.

A YEAR OF LESSONS

Here we are again. End of December looking back at everything that happened throughout this whole year, that bittersweet reflection of everything you’ve done throughout the past 365 days. That sort of painful sit down of looking back knowing it’s about to be nothing but memories in the past. Knowing all those moments were literally once in a lifetime. It’s so bittersweet.