THE FEAR OF CHANGE

You know what times I regret the most? The ones that I stayed in my comfort zone, the times I decided to stay play it safe instead of be fearful. I regret all the times I’ve said no to new experiences. To new ideas. To new beginnings. To a new me. I regret the times I decided to stay rooted when I should have broke free.

All the times that I did take chances on something I was scared of at once, actually turned out to be the best damn decisions of my life. They’ve came with lessons, experience, growth, memories, change and closure. Closure on knowing what it feels to do whatever it may be. Closure on my thoughts.. Closure on never having to wonder “What if” again

A couple days ago I wrote down the question

“What’s on my mind lately?” ..

Growth and a lot of it.. Change especially. In my life, habits, mind, body, routine. I feel that I’ve never been more confident with myself and my ability at life. You know that realization that everyday I have a choice. To remain the same or start working forward at something. To start looking at things in a different way, instead of saying to myself “Why can’t that be me? There life looks so perfect” I’ve started to approach it with a change of mindset to “Why NOT me? Why can’t that be me? What do they have I don’t?” We all deserve a healthy, happy lifestyle, we deserve our dreams and the life we imagine. We deserve it as much as we’re willing to get it and give up our old selves and our old lives. So why remain the same? Why not go get it? Why not unpeel the layers to yourself and realize there’s so much potential and depth to you. You can be anybody you want to be and live any life you want to live. You just have to have the courage to let go of a life you’ve already lived to create room for a new one.

It’s hard letting go of habits. Throwing everything you’ve known for a year or even a couple years down the drain. Watching it all go spiraling before you. But when you realize it creates space for an even more amazing beginning to something, to anything. That’s when life really starts to feel beautiful. When you start to realize that you can change anything you want to change. Any day you can wake up and say you know what today’s the day I start over. And I believe that’s so, so powerful. That everyday we have two choices we our presented with: to grow or to stay the same.

I think the worst thing to ever do would be to remain constant and still. When there’s so many things to do, people to meet, places to see and versions of yourself to grow into. Why would you ever want to remain the same when change is all around you? You can change to whoever you want to be and you can live any life you want to live. Why would you only want to live the same life for your whole life? Especially when you only have one shot at it..

I believe one of the best feelings in life is talking about an experience you once use to shy away from, one you use to gulp with fear when even thinking about it. It’s beautiful watching people, including yourself blossom over time. Sometimes you don’t see or realize it until it’s a year or two later and you go to meet up with someone and you’re talking about what’s changed since you’ve seen them last. Memories, feelings, experiences and lessons flickering through your head as you start to polish the dust off of different versions of yourself that you’ve said goodbye to throughout the time apart. You realize that one cup of coffee won’t be enough for the time to tell all of the growing that’s been done.

It’s crazy the ability we have everyday to create. Create a whole new meaning to our life, create a whole new you, create a whole new mindset, create a whole new story. You can live so many life’s throughout your one time here and I think that’s so beautiful and empowering.

You can be a bartender for a period of your life, you can paint if that’s what your calling is for a while, you can travel out of the country, you can move anywhere in the world, you can learn a new language, you can write a book, you can have a family, you can buy a dog, you can dye your hair, you can change your style of clothes, you meet people who change you, you hear people’s experiences that inspire you..

There’s so much to life and in the grand scheme of things I feel we all get caught up with it. Some of us stay the same and fear change because it’s a lot of work to pick up something new and try at it, some of us remain still because we don’t even know where to begin, so it’s easier to say the same. Whatever it may be - I just hope we can all find the reason on what’s been holding us back from our wildest dreams lately. The little voice that’s been telling us things are fine where they’re at and get rid of it.

I feel if you’re dreaming of something else, somewhere else we shouldn’t run from it. Hell, we should load all arms and get ready for the craziest journey we’ve begun and go for it.

I just hope to live so fully that when death greets me I don’t have to bargain with time and say “I didn’t do enough”.. I want to live so deeply that when the reaper comes knocking at my door I can welcome him in and we can sit down together and reminisce on all the good times; all the chances and risks I took, all the people I met, the places I went and all that I went through to see all the versions of myself I shedded through the years. I hope to live so fully I never have to wonder “What if”

Just felt like writing to write.. and then boldly decided to hit share so enjoy thoughts that usually never leave my journal.. I guess <3

LifeNiki HerringDecember 1, 2019Comment

Life

LIKE WE WERE YOUNG AGAIN.

I’ve felt like more childlike wonder these past 2 months than I did all of my last year total. You see, I always have a young spirit and I love spontaneity, adventure, always being on the go, you name it. But with that, also comes an old soul in me; the worrying and figuring out of the future. I sometimes forget the slow down period. The period of looking around and taking in everything that this moment offers. I forget to scream to the world just how happy I am when I feel like it, to laugh out loud to the point someone could mistake it for a dying seal, to cry when I feel something. Sometimes I just forget to really live. Like how we did when we were young.

A YEAR OF LESSONS

Here we are again. End of December looking back at everything that happened throughout this whole year, that bittersweet reflection of everything you’ve done throughout the past 365 days. That sort of painful sit down of looking back knowing it’s about to be nothing but memories in the past. Knowing all those moments were literally once in a lifetime. It’s so bittersweet.

WINTERTIME BLUES.

Some days are better than others.. I’m sure if you suffer with depression or anxiety like I do, you know that sometimes you’re on top of the world and it feels like you could scream to it just how happy you are and how great life is.. Sometimes the world feels like it’s crushing down on you instead. To a point you just want it to suffocate you, to take away the uninvited thoughts and feelings. Right now it feels a lot like being suffocated.