LOST IN A DREAM
Hey, it’s been awhile.. Awhile since I’ve sat down and asked what my blog really meant to me, what my photos meant to. me. It’s just been awhile, you know? I can’t even remember exactly when I started my own site or what made me really bite the bullet on it. Someone asked me a couple days ago what made me decide to share my life with the whole world, regardless if anybody was reading or not. I stood there and I feel for the first time in my life I never really knew how to answer back to someone. It was wild. I couldn’t for the life of me remember what made me really go “Yeah fuck it I’ll pay $40 a month to run my site, to just write and show more photos”. For the past couple days now that question has been in the back of my mind, just mostly driving me crazy since I can’t remember. I think it’s honestly because a few years ago I was depressed, real depressed.. Something I openly talk about a lot but not a lot in depth about as it’s always been that way. I always wrote to take away the thoughts, it felt like when I had a notebook in my lap and a pen in hand I knew exactly what to write or say. Writing has just been my own little escape. I started to write more as I began to travel and hike more.. Sometimes I just look through my camera roll and can’t even believe the things I’ve done the past 3 years. No wonder I love to write so much. I feel like because I was always sharing photos on Instagram that, that was my little gateway of writing, writing my captions and writing back to you guys. Sharing with strangers that somehow became friends. I think that’s mostly what made me decide to get this little corner of the world, to share even more. Don’t get me wrong, I get nervous with every writing I post.. From the depths of my life and my feelings to the simple travel guides I love sharing. It’s always nerve wracking to hit publish honestly. Knowing that anybody and everybody can see what I put out into the world. I don’t know sometimes I just feel so vulnerable, like I don’t need to be sharing. Some days I think how much easier it would be just to pack it all up and hit delete on social media. But at the end of the day.. this is MY little piece of the world. Whoever chooses to read, will read. It’s not about that even, it’s just a place I’m going to look back on when I’m old and scroll through my life; the best parts of it, even the worst, all the little moments, photos that will have gotten deleted somewhere along the way. It’s just so special honestly. Sometimes I get caught up in this idea that I need to be this “real travel blogger” put out all the “Top 5 places to see” or “Here’s how to do this” guides. But that doesn’t feel like me all the time, that feels like me half of the time honestly and don’t get me wrong, I love inspiring and sharing how to travel easy.. But the other half of me just wants to write about my life, to honestly write. I feel lonely a lot. I don’t have many friends in my life and I’m okay with it because I don’t feel anybody understands me anyways. But the people who come to my little corner of the world and read my posts, you guys, you seem to get me. I’ll never ever forget the kind messages I have gotten from strangers after they read a post of mine or I get a DM on Instagram - I just don’t feel so alone here. I can write to people who only truly want to listen. It just is so humbling. Three or so years ago when I started this blog I never thought it would amount to anything, I write my journal entries on here and that was it. Now I feel like I have a little community of people, I get messages from strangers saying how they’re somehow inspired by me, I get questions on how to travel or where to go. And it’s the most humbling thing in the world. With every message I’ve ever gotten from someone, I just cry because it’s such a beautiful and thoughtful thing for not only someone to take time to read my words but to also reach out to me. I don’t know I’ll just never get over it. So that’s why I hit publish. To make others not feel alone, to give you a look into the real life of someone who travels and posts about it, to try and inspire people to get outside or to find their passion in life and most importantly for myself to look back on. To look back on all of this. This moment I’m in, this feeling I feel as I write this, this day. It’s just all a moment of impermanence; nothing more than a floating piece of dust through the air. But the fact I can trap it into this little capsule and share it makes me want to do it. I just can’t wait to look back at all of this a few years from now, when I’m on a total different path of life and in a total different mindset and realize that I was truly alive - I was truly present in all that my life was. That’s why I think it’s so important that everyone tries to capture time, to try and freeze it every once in awhile when you’re in a good moment. I’m a huge believer on mental screenshots, sitting and just enjoying the moment. But every once in awhile: when everything is perfect and you find yourself already missing a moment before it’s gone - I feel that’s when it’s most important to try and capture it: by jotting a short note down of what you’re feeling, taking a video or a photo. Everything is such a moment in time, nothing will or ever has been the way it is right now and it’s so beautiful.
I know I know, I’m sentimental and emotional to everything in life. Haven’t you gotten that already from my previous posts? BUT life is so beautiful friends. The good and the bad; all of it is so beautiful. It’s worth trapping time into a bottle. So if my words and images are what that means for now, then find me always here Lost in a Dream..
Somewhere on the border between reality and these moments in time. I’m so happy to have you here with me.
With lots of love,
Niki
