A couple hours later I had no joke a 4 page list of things I would do if fear weren't a factor..
I saw myself running around the beautiful beaches of Thailand I once was suppose to go to 3 years ago.. A camera roll full of one in a lifetime adventures with my best friend.. A confident and fearless woman in the pursuit of happiness with life. I saw myself chasing dreams that once weren't left in my comfort zone.
The next question that kept replaying in my head:
What's holding you back?
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I want to start by saying thank you for those who have followed my adventures from 2018 into this new year!
2018 was without a doubt the hardest year I’ve ever went through.. But with every situation I came out with a new lesson learned and a stronger/wiser self. You see if I wouldn’t have went through all of that I wouldn’t be who I am today, I wouldn’t want to make decisions in life the way I do, I wouldn’t be doing what I’m doing this year and so many more opportunities that haven’t even happened yet wouldn’t being arising.
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I don't know how to personally just share a photo and go. Because everything happening in that photo is more than just a photo, it's a memory; a feeling. Sometimes ones that I feel are so special they aren't worth sharing. Just so simply for the reason none of you guys could feel what I did in that moment. So when my words can make other people feel, it's just honestly such a surreal feeling. Because honestly, I don't know how to do anything but just be me. And by that I mean the real me. I'm not good at hiding my feelings or keeping my thoughts to myself. I'm a very open book. I speak my mind exactly as it comes, no matter if it does seem a little personal or too much.
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Looking back, I can't believe it's already been 3 weeks now. That anticipation and fear of being alone on the road made my trip come up so fast. And then that excitement and restlessness made the trip go by so fast when I was on it.
I'm just now starting to sit down and really look back to reflect on it. And wow.
All I could possibly say from it is that I wish so badly you could bottle up moments or feelings and lock them up, put them away and open them on a day when you're in need. In need of a little reminder of what it's like to be fully alive.
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After having some things fall through for my Iceland trip and having to change dates and then also not being able to go to Canada due to my car accident. I decided that once things settled down I was going to take some time off, for myself. To not worry about anything else other than where I'm headed next.
So starting on the 28th of this month (August) I'll be setting out for 10 days on my first solo trip
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I feel trapped some days, knowing I literally can not do anything in this situation when all I want is to be free. It's the worst thing, not being in control of a situation that is taking such a big toll on your life.
But I will say it's made me learn a lot and appreciate all that I get to do in life so much more now that I don't get to do it as easily.
Throughout July I went on some of the most beautiful adventures I've gone on, took some of my most favorite photos that I can't wait to share, grew a connection deeper with myself and nature, discovered the genuine people in my life. And most importantly I got through it. Something I didn't think I'd be able to do at the beginning.
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I thought for awhile.. Would anybody read this? Would anybody even want to know more about my trips? And then I stopped for a second and told myself that if I even cared about that, I was doing it all for the wrong reasons. Here you'll find the depths of my mind and remnants of my soul while I'm on the road. I hope to write about every adventure, big or small: every beautiful place I go to I want to remember forever. Even if it just a little piece of my writing from my journal. I want to look back on here and be so lost in the moment again that I can almost feel it. So I hope that I can provide you all with that feeling as well. So here's the start to something new and a journey I'm so ready for.. Again thank YOU for being apart of it.